LEOTARD LUNACY...




LEOTARD LUNACY

They were excited as they gave me the card,
“Choosing presents for you Mum, is always hard.
But Dad says you’ll love this. It’s really great!”
Now I was getting excited, I couldn’t wait.
But I teased us a little by feeling the outside
And wondering out loud what could be inside.

“Money to buy something, just for me?
Tickets to that show I’ve been dying to see?
A voucher for gliding lessons I wanted to do?”
“Better than that Darl, and it’s all for you.”
So I opened it quickly, loving smile for him.
Oh… Just what I wanted, 12 months at the gym.

So here I sit, struggling on the Pec Deck
Trying to ignore shooting pains in my neck.
I move to the leg press, squatting down low,
As usual, unsure where my feet are to go.
Next is the shoulder press, most hated of all.
With clenched jaw I curse, “Oh, yeah, having a ball.”

No matter how often I force myself to go,
My aging flesh will never, ever look (I know)
Like that of those earnest lycra-clad beauties
Or of those other assorted posers and cuties.
I pray as I ignore another muscle-bound boaster,
“Please God, next year?  Let them give me a toaster.”

© SANDY GILLIS
Published Hinterland Times July 2019

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